well-being + babies | the lost identity
Starting a business is scary. Writing the first blog may be even scarier. I’ve been going through my brain on all the ways I could possibly introduce myself, how I can relate to people, and how to get women engaged. I keep asking myself, how do I want to show up for the women in my community? What’s the first share?
I had a well-being coaching session with this woman today. She is a superhero in my book. She left an abusive relationship ten years ago with a newborn in order to raise her daughter in a space that is safe and healthy. She breastfed for FIVE years. She worked full-time. She has exclusively focused on taking care of her daughter, and now her parents. When I asked what do you do for fun, she looked at me and said “I don’t know anymore. I know who I used to be, but I’m not sure who I am.” This is a common response from mothers I talk to. They lose themselves while taking care of everyone else. And I have recently just experienced it.
I got pregnant unexpectedly. I mean I know what causes it, but four margaritas and the last bit of my immortal youth led me to believe I’m different. 9 months later, we had a beautiful baby girl. And what I found interesting is there are warnings about labor (and lies, but that’s a WHOLE different blog post!), we’re told motherhood is hard, we’re told we will love our baby, we’re told we may not love our baby too and that’s okay. Postpartum depression and anxiety are real. We’re told that postpartum takes time to heal, and breastfeeding is demanding. We are supported as mothers. We are supported as caretakers. I was prepared for all that - my biggest shock was how we stop being supported as ourselves. I am no longer Elizabeth, I am mother to Maia and wife to Mark. Conversations shift from “What are you working on?” to “How’s the baby sleeping?” Don’t get me wrong, I love being “mother of Maia, wife of Mark” - and I feel blessed I am surrounded by a community that cares about how my baby is doing. But just because I had her, I didn’t stop being me.
Mark, Maia Gene, + “mother of Maia Gene, wife of Mark”
I’ve always been a rule-breaker. Maybe not a rule breaker, but I absolutely stretchedddddd the limit. So I ask, what limit can I stretch now? Can I be a good wife, a great mother, a business owner, well-educated, a present family-member, a reliable friend, and improve my community? While staying fit + healthy? (I will say my run this week tells me the answer to the latter is more along the lines of becoming fit and healthy, we’re starting slow here!) Can my sister and I support other women in being themselves while being excellent mothers (and whatever other hat they wear?) Can we help them in knowing what taking care of themself looks like and HOW to do it in the long term? Can we create a community that has mothers and women alike say HELL YES, I’M BACK BABY! or maybe never lose themselves in the first place.
HELL YES, WE CAN.
And so “well-behaved” is born. To support mothers in reclaiming their identity, their health, and their space, while also taking care of their babies, families, and communities. Our mothers before us did it all. They were corporate rockstars, who cooked, cleaned, got educated, and broke all the glass ceilings. The one thing they may have missed is taking care and keeping a piece of themselves - it is our turn to set a new standard. Manage a household, manage a career, manage a family. And at the same time, be well-behaved.
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